Hello everyone, Keaton Hargett here, lifelong (since 1997) Dallas Cowboys fan, I have been deemed the most realistic Cowboys fan by every fan I have met. I’m here to explain to the bullshit I have lived through as a Dallas Cowboys fan to help you understand why none of what Jerry Jones or Micah Parsons is saying or doing rn even matters.
As a Cowboys fan born at the beginning of the Super Bowl drought, I truly believe God created me as a super fan of all DFW teams just to punish me for something I did in a past life. I have seen this song and dance from Jerry Jones my whole life and can assure you that we are watching another example of why Jerry Jones is the greatest marketer of all time.
Rest assure, Micah Parsons will be a Dallas Cowboy this season and will NOT be traded. It’s simple math that only the people who sniff sharpies to start their morning will fall for.
WWE wrestling never amused me as a kid and I believe it’s because I watched a fake performance from the Dallas Cowboys my whole life. Jerry Jones might suck ass as an owner to the untrained eye, but the fucker really does have a knack for marketing. Jerry keeps the Dallas Cowboys relevant and I really don’t believe any owner could keep the misery I allow the Cowboys to allow me to experience every year as the number one sports brand in the world.
Over simplified example, when did Dak Prescott get a new contract? Oh, was that the first Sunday of the regular season? Why? So everyone watching, commentating, taking a piss at the urinal, will talk about Dak (Tony Romo 2.0) Prescott and the GD Dallas Cowboys. This is no different, and Micah is clearly in on the bullshit.
Let’s say I’m wrong and Micah get’s traded. Everyone will call Jerry Jones, and Dallas Cowboys fans “retards” for letting the best pass rusher in the game walk. Let’s say I’m 100% right, like always, and Micah stays. Everyone will call Jerry Jones, and Dallas Cowboys fans “retards” for overpaying a pass rusher the most money in NFL history.
I take pride in my loyalty for the piece of shit teams I root for, even if I do still hate Nico Harrison, but the predictability of this bullshit needs to be studied. Cowboys fans, chill tf out. You have seen this every offseason since 1997, and whether Micah stays or leaves, the Cowboys will still lose in the first round of the playoffs.