Every two years, when the Ryder Cup rolls around, I’m hit with a patriotic tidal wave so intense it could make a bald eagle cry tears of star-spangled pride. This ain’t just golf—it’s Team USA strapping on red, white, and blue capes to whoop Europe in a match-play smackdown that’s louder than a Fourth of July fireworks show.
For the uninitiated, the Ryder Cup pits America’s best golfers against Europe’s in a three-day brawl of foursomes, fourballs, and singles. It’s golf, but make it a cage match—pure chaos where putts feel like punches. And when Team USA, led by studs like Scottie Scheffler, Patrick Cantlay and Mr. Nuke the golf ball 9000 *YARDS* himself Bryson DeChambeau, hits the course, I’m screaming “U-S-A!” so damn loud my neighbors think I’ve joined a militia.
The 2023 Ryder Cup in Italy? Europe may have snuck away with a 16.5-11.5 win, but Team USA had me hollering like I was riding a fighter jet. Max Homa’s singles swagger and Justin Thomas’s chip-in that nearly broke the internet? That’s the stuff that makes you wanna salute the flag and grill fucking steak. Back in 2021 at Whistling Straits, we obliterated Europe 19-9, with Dustin Johnson going 5-0-0 like a golfing Rambo. I swear I heard “Sweet Caroline” morph into “Sweet Victory.”
Sure, Europe’s got Rory McIlroy and Jon Rahm, who can sting like a bee, but remember those dudes also use the metric system, nothing beats the sight of our boys fist-pumping and trash-talking. It’s the Ryder Cup’s team vibe—golfers turning from lone wolves into a pack of patriotic wolves—and nothing gets my blood pumping more.
As we are already off to a rough start going down 3-0, remember nothing beats the American spirit, I’ve got full confidence in our boys to remind everyone to never count out the USA, I’m already waving a flag so big it blocks the sun. Win or lose, Team USA’s grit makes me prouder than a dad at a Little League game. So, bring on the roars, the beers, and the clutch shots. Team USA’s ready to make Europe cry like the children they are while eagles and B2 bombers fly overhead. Let’s FUCKING go MEN. Remind these Europeans that the USA is every country’s Father in the most disrespectful way possible.
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