Jake Russell
@oreojakesters
As if the NCAA and college athletics hadn’t already sold their soul to the almighty dollar enough, last week Yahoo! Sports insider Ross Dellenger reported that there is a looming possibility that college uniforms could potentially have ad patches a la NASCAR if it means it would generate even more revenue. This isn’t anything new- it’s essentially a requirement for European soccer clubs to be sponsored by a Middle Eastern airline now, the NBA has ad patches on jerseys that have absolutely nothing to do with the color scheme with an “NBA Finals presented by Youtube TV” on the court, and the beloved Yankee pinstripe uniforms this October have a STARR Insurance advertising patch that would have the Babe rolling in his grave.
We thought we could fend it off long enough, but capitalism comes for all of us. That being said, we can at least make it aesthetically pleasing or apropos, right? When Miller Park was the home of a beer-based Brewers team, all was right in the world. Heinz Field just kind of felt right for the gritty Pittsburgh Steelers. We can make this work so it doesn’t have to be a giant red and yellow Love’s heart patch on the Oklahoma City blue and orange uniform. Let’s take a look at some college football program and associate some perfect fits if we HAVE to have the eye sore.
Texas Tech- H.E.B.
H.E.B. is the marquee Texas-based grocery store with a red color scheme that specializes in what? That’s right: tortillas.
LSU- Razzoo’s
The obvious and wrong choice would be to pick Raising Cane’s here, but the “zoo” element that you associate with tigers and the Cajun cuisine would be superior. Also, Mr. Raising Cane himself hasn’t opened up his pocket books near enough to get Brian Kelly players he doesn’t hate.
Georgia- Coca-Cola
Red and white, clean script, and you get to claim Atlanta… and avoid the driving jokes by not having a car sponsorship.
Ohio State- Marathon Petroleum
Think about it this way- it’s an Ohio-based company where oil goes a LONG way, and you get to slap an X over the big red M logo when you play Michigan and lose when Ryan Day is coaching.
Michigan- General Motors
You could even alternate the M to look like the maize block font, and can you imagine all of the promos that the swole offensive linemen or runningback can do for ad campaigns with videos of them doing something like lifting a truck that you see every offseason?
USC- Netflix
You’d have the red color scheme for a Hollywood show and have all of the promos of coaches and players saying that this season is going to be “A MOVIE” before failing to make a tackle under Lincoln Riley and losing in the gritty B1G.
Baylor- HGTV
Chip and Joanna Gaines have been waiting their whole life to slap some shiplap on those Baylor greens.
Texas- Whataburger
The big burnt orange W with the “WhataBACK” commercials would kill every year that we think they’re back.
Florida- Gatorade
The most self-explanatory of the choices, but also, Billy Napier may need it as hydration fuel if he’s on life support before getting the axe.