Smith, Kiffin finally unite, discuss LSU decision and leaving Ole Miss (5:14)Lane Kiffin joins Marty Smith to explain his emotions leaving Oxford, his feelings toward not being able to coach the Rebels in the CFP and why he chose the Tigers’ program. (5:14)
8. Oregon Trail State (You have died of dysentery) (2-10)
Hang on to your hopes, my friend That’s an easy thing to say But if your hopes should pass away Simply pretend that you can build them again
Once again, we leaned on our Bottom 10 FPI formula. No, not the ESPN Football Power Index, but rather the Faux Pas Index. Because everyone loves math.
Divide all of that by the number of games played, and there’s your Bottom 10 FPI score. Because it’s hard numbers, the results are indisputable. And by hard numbers we mean that we made the formula so badly complicated that it’s too hard to dispute because it’s not worth wasting the effort to do so.
With apologies to Tennessee wide receiver Deon Hardin, Mizzou running back Ahmad Hardy, Rice running back D’Andre Hardeman Jr. and Steve Harvey, here’s the final 2025 Bottom 10 rankings.
Wins: +0 Losses: -12 Longest losing streak: -12 (current -10) Point differential: -330 (133 for, 463 against) Turnover margin: -7 WoS: -91 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -450 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -37.5
The Minuetmen had their wet hay in the barn a full week early, having played their final game of the season on the Tuesday afternoon prior to Thanksgiving. Once they got that hay into the barn, they remembered that the Salem witch trials took place in Massachusetts and they immediately burned that barn down in an effort to exorcise their Bottom 10 demons.
Wins: +2 Losses: -10 Longest losing streak: -8 Point differential: -241 (213 for, 454 against) Turnover margin: +2 WoS: -104 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -359 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -29.9
The Bearkats kompiled a two-win kampaign, but still katapulted kompletely over kontenders who had only one win. How did they akkomplish that? Bekause of a krappy strength of skedule and a defense too frekwently skored upon.
Wins: +1 Losses: -11 Longest losing streak: -11 (current -10) Point differential: -230 (170 for, 400 against) Turnover margin: -5 WoS: -30 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50 Total: -346 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -28.8
Many people in the greater Stillwater area had told me that I didn’t have the Kowboys, er, sorry, Cowboys ranked low enough. When we did the FPI math, it backed up those complainers with the same amount of force that it backed down their team.
Wins: +1 Losses: -11 Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10) Point differential: -217 (237 for, 454 against) Turnover margin: -11 WoS: -66 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -323 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -26.9
Just as the arithmetic hurt OSU, it helped GSU, which jumped/fell from No. 2 to No. 4. That might not seem like much, but for a team that last won a game more than 80 days ago, you’ll take whatever good news you can get.
Marty said if I didn’t have Kiffin in the Coveted Fifth Spot again this week he would beat me over the head with the turkey leg he wasn’t able to eat with his family on Thanksgiving because he had to go to Oxford and hold a microphone instead.
Wins: +2 Losses: -10 Longest losing streak: -6 (current -10) Point differential: -148 (222 for, 370 against) Turnover margin: -4 WoS: -90 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50 Total: -316 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -26.3
Wins: +1 Losses: -11 Longest losing streak: -9 (current -10) Point differential: -264 (172 for, 436 against) Turnover margin: -8 WoS: -70 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -271 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -22.5833333
Wins: +2 Losses: -10 Longest losing streak: -7 Point differential: -135 (218 for, 353 against) Turnover margin: -11 WoS: -60 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: -50 Total: -271 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -22.5833333
Wins: +2 Losses: -10 Longest losing streak: -5 (current -10) Point differential: -85 (280 for, 365 against) Turnover margin: -12 WoS: -109 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -229 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -19.1
Wins: +2 Losses: -10 Longest losing streak: -10 Point differential: -88 (305 for, 393 against) Turnover margin: -9 WoS: -54 Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus: N/A Total: -169 Games played: 12 Final Bottom 10 Faux Pas Index: -14.08
Waiting List: Arkansaw Fightin’ Former Petrinos, No-vada, San No-se State, Pur-don’t, Muddled Tennessee State, Northen Ill-ugh-noise, ULM (pronounced “Uhlm”), conference tiebreakers that require slide rules.
Due to an unprecedented coaching carousel that was so bonkers we’ve renamed it the Coaching Tilt-A-Whirl, the candidates list for this year’s Bottom 10 Selection Committee grew faster than Brian Kelly’s lawyers’ billable hours invoice. The final roster: me, my dad, Captain Morgan (aka my stepdad), Mike Gundy, current Northwest Oklahoma defensive coordinator Jerry Glanville and former Texas State Armadillos head coach Ed “Straight Arrow” Gennero. As our vote began, we were joined by Sam Pittman, who pulled up to our meeting spot, a truck stop behind the Gaylord Texan where the fancy-schmancy CFP committee was gathered, behind the wheel of a shoebox Winnebago blasting Skynyrd and towing a pontoon boat upon which the name “S.S. YESSIR” was airbrushed.
Teams receive one point for each win, minus one point for each loss, minus one point for each loss of their longest losing streak of the year, plus a minus-10 bonus if that longest losing streak is currently active. We also subtract the number of points they have surrendered on the season from the number of points they scored, subtract or add points based on their season turnover margin and subtract their weakness of schedule (WoS) ranking. If a team fired its head coach, that earns a 50-point subtraction, aka the Randy Edsall Fired Coach Bonus.
Easily, the most vocal “How can we not be ranked?!” #Bottom10Lobbying crowd of 2025 was Rams Nation. And when we did the math, they were proved right as Colorado State leapt like a ram from a rock formation off the Waiting List into the canyon of nearly the top/bottom five. Now they have hired professional Bottom 10 rehabilitation specialist Jim Mora, who totally ruined what used to be the Bottom 10’s version of Chiefs vs. Eagles, UMess vs. U-Can’t, by inexplicably turning the Huskies into winners.
Niners officials reached out to the Bottom 10 committee to see if perhaps they might receive bonus cool points for the fact that their record was 1-9 when Georgia paid them $1.9 million to play “between the hedges.” We told them no, but only after reaching out to UNCC math professors, who assured us that the laws of natural numerical law would not allow us to add something called “cool points” to something called a “Faux Pas Index.” Speaking of math, Charlotte also is now part of a Bottom 10 FPI first, a numerical tie! With whom … ?
Representatives of the Minors crashed our committee meeting to remind us that while they understood they would likely have to be ranked, no matter what the math said, they had to be ranked above/below Sam Houston because they beat the Bearkats head-to-head. But we didn’t hear any of that because when we say they crashed our meeting, they literally crashed our meeting. Paydirt Pete had to use his pickax to pry the UTEP conversion van free from where it ran into the trailer carrying Pittman’s pontoon boat.
The Golden Beagles were in a Bottom 10 peloton to the finish line, which was more like that scene at Oklahoma a few weeks ago when the Sooners got lost in the smoke of their stadium entrance and fell over each other, piling up like firewood for winter. In the end, Arkansaw and Pur-don’t received too big of a Power 4 WoS boost, while Muddled Tennessee and No-vada both had the audacity to win two out of their final three games, hitting the Raise Hell Praise Dale 3-victory mark and moving out of the running. We started to do the FPI math on a few other teams, but when the batteries ran out in our Texas Instruments calculator, Coach Pittman, relieved his former Hogs missed the final cut, announced, “I’ll go to the store, but it won’t be to buy batteries. It’ll be to buy beer.” Meeting adjourned.
Smith, Kiffin finally unite, discuss LSU decision and leaving Ole Miss (5:14)Lane Kiffin joins Marty Smith to explain his emotions leaving Oxford, his feelings toward not being able to coach the Rebels in the CFP and why he chose the Tigers’ program. (5:14)
Lane Kiffin joins Marty Smith to explain his emotions leaving Oxford, his feelings toward not being able to coach the Rebels in the CFP and why he chose the Tigers’ program. (5:14)
The #Bottom10 Selection Committee is currently in session to determine the final 2025 rankings, to be revealed Wednesday morning. pic.twitter.com/WdIvj25gNW
Look around The grass is high The fields are ripe It’s the springtime of my life
Seasons change with the scenery Weavin’ time in a tapestry Won’t you stop and remember me?
Look around Leaves are brown And the sky is a hazy shade of winter
— “Hazy Shade of Winter” by Simon & Garfunkel (or The Bangles, depending on how old you are)
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the bank of telephones used to raise money for the “Free Marty Smith From Oxford” fund, we once again look at the calendar and realize that it is conference championship weekend, which means it’s time for the Bottom 10 to make like Lane Kiffin and run for the exit amid a shower of boos and middle fingers.